Friday, 04 April, 2003: *poke*
Now let's see what happens.
Tuesday, 08 April, 2003: "It will be interesting to
see what happens." A strange mantra for me to have given my track record
of looking for specific outcomes. I was many things in times past, but I was never
a particularly good scientist. Sure I could apply the method to solve problems
better than most, but running true experiments, ones where I just wanted to observe
and not produce a specific outcome, was not something that I did. This has changed.
Right now I just want to see what ripple effect my actions have.
*sits back and waits for a response to the poke*
Put money down on an apartment yesterday. Just barely made it too, someone else
was interested. Nice place, not too small as studios go. Certainly not huge, but
more than adequate for a single guy. It will be nice to have a kitchen. It will
be nicer still to have my own private bathroom. I'll have stuff to tinker with
too. Cool. :-) If things go well, I'll even be able to bring my turntable. Oh
to have my L.P.'s available. I'll have to take better care of it than I do of
my dorm room though.
A kitchen. I'll have a kitchen. With a real refrigerator. And an real oven. And
a sink and cupboards. My own hamburgers and hot dogs and chicken and non-microwave
meals. Spaghetti and soups. Almost like a real life out there in the real world.
I'll have a job too. That will be interesting. I hope I do well, I really want
to. Being a T.A. will be a good challenge. I know I'm capable, I just hope that
I can deliver. Bah, I'll do fine. I pretty much do the T.A. stuff with my friends
anyway. And it will be an Honours course, maybe 18 people total, and people who
will be in the class because they chose to be. Not many slackers in Honours courses.
Lots of good people. I'm excited.
Thursday, 10 April, 2003: Strange how some days can last
forever and how others can pas by so quickly that they blend right in to the next.
Today has been here forever, but yesterday was come and gone before I could grasp
it. I wonder what tomorrow will be like.
I am being repaid for all the times that I refused to respond to a poking. Karma's
funny like that. :-)
Friday, 11 April, 2003:
"Cause I can sniff, I can see, and I can
count up pretty high; but these faculties
aren't getting me any closer to the sky,"
For pete's sake, hold it together man. Just words. There's no reason they should
haunt you like that. They do though.
Saturday, 12 April, 2003: Went to see Pitt's "Spring
Game" today. Since Pitt doesn't have a stadium they played at a local high
school's field. With the 924S currently out of commission because of the clutch
dragging, my friend and I took the bus. Traveling through downtown on the bus
routes is very different than traveling on the expressway, there is more to see
on the surface streets, especially the residential areas. Things change instantaneously.
One moment you're in a vibrant theatre district and the next you're in a run-down
area that at one time had warehouses. The neighborhoods go from bad to good and
back to bad without any blending. Everything is right there in your face. Change
happens NOW, and you can't do anything to soften the jump from one thing to the
The stunted little city houses pass by the windows by my seat and I wonder how
people can live without yards. Hilly around Pittsburgh. The houses look as though
they are ready to just let themselves fall down the hillside, fed up with being
in such close proximity to the other houses. It reminds me of an old cartoon that
was buried in my memory. A little house is built out in the country and the house
loves its life, but as time progresses the city reaches out and surrounds the
little house. The house's inhabitants abandon it and it sits abandoned as the
skyscrapers tower over it and the smoke of the city blackens the house's once-fresh
paint. And then one night it comes. Workmen tear at the house's foundation, ripping
it out of the ground. The house gives up and just goes to sleep, figuring it will
be the easiest way to let death come. The strangest thing happens though, the
house wakes up again to find that it has not been destroyed, but moved. Back in
the country. Far away from the city, with a new family to inhabit it. Let the
city surround me. I'll move myself away again when I want to. A house comes into
view and my reverie stops. What's that house doing here? It's not supposed to
be here in the middle of a city neighborhood. It's a farmhouse. A bona-fide rural
Ohio style farmhouse. And then it's gone again, out of view. I'm left to ponder
how it got there.
At the game we sit behind a young couple, their daughter (who is perhaps 4), their
son (no more than 6), and their son's two friends. Adorable children. My attention
is divided between the game and the children in front of me. Full of energy, not
watching the game much, but enjoying themselves. The daughter largely clings to
her mother, but it doesn't seem to be out of fear. Just a very clear bond between
the two. I can't help but keep looking at the boys and smiling too. They ask some
question that the mother cannot answer about the game so I explain it to them.
From then on I'm answering questions and agreeing with the boys when they say
that it's confusing to watch a team play against itself in scrimmage. The mother
apologises a couple of times but I just smile and laugh and say that I enjoy it.
It's very hard to stay annoyed with young life, at least it's hard when you don't
have to deal with it all the time. :-)
Getting back to campus was interesting. The bus that was supposed to run every
20 minutes hadn't come by after 40 minutes at the stop and we were beginning to
wonder what we ought to do. At this point a pair of cars pull into the bus lane
to have a brief conference on where they're going in case the second car loses
the first car in traffic. Looking into the cars my friend and I notice that they
are driven by members of the Pitt dance team. They must be going back to campus.
He asks. They are. Can they take a couple of passengers along? Of course they
can. We get in and have a most enjoyable ride back to campus with two Freshmen
members of the dance team who only make mild fun of my supposed "Ohio accent".
It seems that I pronounce the name of my own state funnily. But the ride is nice
to have and the girls are entertaining to chat with about the usual unimportant
topics. Can't really get to know a person in a 20 minute car ride you know.
All-in-all, it was a very good day. Well worth the sunburn I got from the mere
three hours in the sun at the game. Fair skin is not good to have. ;-)
Friday, 18 April, 2003: And I'm done. Classes are finished.
All that remains are the exams. And then one step closer to the "real"
world. One last unimportant summer job that won't mean anything in the end. By
this time next year I'll be searching for a real job. A house too. How on earth
am I going to be able to handle this? How will I manage to get myself out on my
own? Very frightening not to know where I'll be in a year. Oh well. Bring it on
life. Show me what you've got, I'll make my way through somehow.
Smelt lilacs today. Evening in the city seems to release some of the tension that
is evident during the daytime and I can relax just a touch and let myself be just
a little more "in the moment". I miss home though. This will be my first
Easter away from home, away from family. Between Exams starting on Monday and
my car being in the shop I just wasn't able to go home. One more baby step away
Tuesday, 22 April, 2003: *poke*
Thursday, 24 April, 2003: And a response. :-)
So poking has paid off and I have gotten a response. My impression of one who
is like I once was is re-enforced to a degree. It would, of course, be folly to
assume that the reasons behind the similarities are the same until I know more,
but speculation is interesting. There is some of the same formality and terseness
in the beginning of the response, unsure, I think, of how I would interpret the
delayed response. As the reply goes on though, that fades and things seem to open
up a bit. Nice. And a committment to being there when I visit Jess again. All-in-all
it's possible to interpret it as either simple politeness, or as piqued interest.
It will be interesting to see which it is. :-)
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