Saturday, 10 May, 2003: Not too much happening, car was beyond
my abilities. Still nothing on the job front. Wondering if I'll make it to California.
Missing my Companion, though I have not even found her yet. I look back on what
was with more than a little bit of wistful longing. Not that I think I would be
right to try to renew that. I know that it wasn't going to be right in the long
run, but it brought many good things while I had it and I would be lying if I
were to claim that I didn't miss it.
Been spending time with David Schramm who has given me the space to work on my
car for the time being. A good guy, nice place out in the midlde of nowhere. He
has a great life and I must admit that I romantisize his lifestlye. Late 50's
and he's more limber and energetic than most kids my age. He's having a good time
with life, and it at least looks as though he has all the pieces that he wants
and needs in place. I can't help but notice that I'm missing pieces. There are
holes and I don't know how I'm supposed to fill them. I seem fine most all the
time, but every so often I get this far-away feeling where I have to wonder what's
going to become of me. Will I find my Companion? Will I recognise her when our
paths do cross? Does she even exist? If she doesn't exist, why do I still feel
as though there are holes?
Monday, 19 May, 2003: Car has been in stasis for a long time,
this is taking forever. The 914, having been pushed into temporary duty as a daily
driver, is being a trooper but it's having issues of its own. Thankfully a starter
is a relatively easy fix and thankfully the parts are much cheaper than for the
924S. Now if only the 914 sealed better.
Visited Ada this weekend, had a blast. Got to kick around with Brianne and get
to know her better. So atypical for a girl, but a wonderful person and I thoroughly
enjoyed her company. She and I have similar personalities and we just got along
well right from the start. I've spent so much time romanticising the rural life
that her rural tendencies aren't odd to me. The girl in my mind has always carried
a pocket knife and she's definitely supposed to know about machinery and how to
fix things. I haven't fallen and I'm not really near falling for a country girl,
but I am interested and I look forward to learning more about her.
Saw Shanna driving around today. Odd. I don't know if she saw me, but I would
imagine that she did. The 914 is really a pretty distinctive car. I wanted to
honk and wave or something, but I really didn't know quite what was the proper
ettiquette for seeing one's ex in another car while driving. Shanna is a wonderful
person and I really hope that things are going well for her. I feel badly about
how our communication has lapsed, but I suppose that is just the way things go
once a couple breaks up. And if it's not, then I know it's my fault for not keeping
up communication. Regardless, I wish her only the best in everything and I regret
that I couldn't be the one. It just wasn't to be with her and I, two good people
but I wasn't the one for her and she wasn't the one for me. Sad that we can't
still be friends but we can both (I hope) look back on happy times and know that
it wasn't worthless. No relationship with another person is worthless. Everyone
out there has something to teach me and the good times are always worth the bad.
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Last Updated: 06 March, 2003
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