Random Musings

April 2003

Friday, 04 April, 2003:  *poke*

Now let's see what happens.

Tuesday, 08 April, 2003:   "It will be interesting to see what happens." A strange mantra for me to have given my track record of looking for specific outcomes. I was many things in times past, but I was never a particularly good scientist. Sure I could apply the method to solve problems better than most, but running true experiments, ones where I just wanted to observe and not produce a specific outcome, was not something that I did. This has changed. Right now I just want to see what ripple effect my actions have.

*sits back and waits for a response to the poke*

Put money down on an apartment yesterday. Just barely made it too, someone else was interested. Nice place, not too small as studios go. Certainly not huge, but more than adequate for a single guy. It will be nice to have a kitchen. It will be nicer still to have my own private bathroom. I'll have stuff to tinker with too. Cool. :-) If things go well, I'll even be able to bring my turntable. Oh to have my L.P.'s available. I'll have to take better care of it than I do of my dorm room though.

A kitchen. I'll have a kitchen. With a real refrigerator. And an real oven. And a sink and cupboards. My own hamburgers and hot dogs and chicken and non-microwave meals. Spaghetti and soups. Almost like a real life out there in the real world. Almost.

I'll have a job too. That will be interesting. I hope I do well, I really want to. Being a T.A. will be a good challenge. I know I'm capable, I just hope that I can deliver. Bah, I'll do fine. I pretty much do the T.A. stuff with my friends anyway. And it will be an Honours course, maybe 18 people total, and people who will be in the class because they chose to be. Not many slackers in Honours courses. Lots of good people. I'm excited.

Thursday, 10 April, 2003:   Strange how some days can last forever and how others can pas by so quickly that they blend right in to the next. Today has been here forever, but yesterday was come and gone before I could grasp it. I wonder what tomorrow will be like.

I am being repaid for all the times that I refused to respond to a poking. Karma's funny like that. :-)

Friday, 11 April, 2003:
"Cause I can sniff, I can see, and I can
count up pretty high; but these faculties
aren't getting me any closer to the sky,"

For pete's sake, hold it together man. Just words. There's no reason they should haunt you like that. They do though.

Saturday, 12 April, 2003:  Went to see Pitt's "Spring Game" today. Since Pitt doesn't have a stadium they played at a local high school's field. With the 924S currently out of commission because of the clutch dragging, my friend and I took the bus. Traveling through downtown on the bus routes is very different than traveling on the expressway, there is more to see on the surface streets, especially the residential areas. Things change instantaneously. One moment you're in a vibrant theatre district and the next you're in a run-down area that at one time had warehouses. The neighborhoods go from bad to good and back to bad without any blending. Everything is right there in your face. Change happens NOW, and you can't do anything to soften the jump from one thing to the next.

The stunted little city houses pass by the windows by my seat and I wonder how people can live without yards. Hilly around Pittsburgh. The houses look as though they are ready to just let themselves fall down the hillside, fed up with being in such close proximity to the other houses. It reminds me of an old cartoon that was buried in my memory. A little house is built out in the country and the house loves its life, but as time progresses the city reaches out and surrounds the little house. The house's inhabitants abandon it and it sits abandoned as the skyscrapers tower over it and the smoke of the city blackens the house's once-fresh paint. And then one night it comes. Workmen tear at the house's foundation, ripping it out of the ground. The house gives up and just goes to sleep, figuring it will be the easiest way to let death come. The strangest thing happens though, the house wakes up again to find that it has not been destroyed, but moved. Back in the country. Far away from the city, with a new family to inhabit it. Let the city surround me. I'll move myself away again when I want to. A house comes into view and my reverie stops. What's that house doing here? It's not supposed to be here in the middle of a city neighborhood. It's a farmhouse. A bona-fide rural Ohio style farmhouse. And then it's gone again, out of view. I'm left to ponder how it got there.

At the game we sit behind a young couple, their daughter (who is perhaps 4), their son (no more than 6), and their son's two friends. Adorable children. My attention is divided between the game and the children in front of me. Full of energy, not watching the game much, but enjoying themselves. The daughter largely clings to her mother, but it doesn't seem to be out of fear. Just a very clear bond between the two. I can't help but keep looking at the boys and smiling too. They ask some question that the mother cannot answer about the game so I explain it to them. From then on I'm answering questions and agreeing with the boys when they say that it's confusing to watch a team play against itself in scrimmage. The mother apologises a couple of times but I just smile and laugh and say that I enjoy it. It's very hard to stay annoyed with young life, at least it's hard when you don't have to deal with it all the time. :-)

Getting back to campus was interesting. The bus that was supposed to run every 20 minutes hadn't come by after 40 minutes at the stop and we were beginning to wonder what we ought to do. At this point a pair of cars pull into the bus lane to have a brief conference on where they're going in case the second car loses the first car in traffic. Looking into the cars my friend and I notice that they are driven by members of the Pitt dance team. They must be going back to campus. He asks. They are. Can they take a couple of passengers along? Of course they can. We get in and have a most enjoyable ride back to campus with two Freshmen members of the dance team who only make mild fun of my supposed "Ohio accent". It seems that I pronounce the name of my own state funnily. But the ride is nice to have and the girls are entertaining to chat with about the usual unimportant topics. Can't really get to know a person in a 20 minute car ride you know.

All-in-all, it was a very good day. Well worth the sunburn I got from the mere three hours in the sun at the game. Fair skin is not good to have. ;-)

Friday, 18 April, 2003:  And I'm done. Classes are finished. All that remains are the exams. And then one step closer to the "real" world. One last unimportant summer job that won't mean anything in the end. By this time next year I'll be searching for a real job. A house too. How on earth am I going to be able to handle this? How will I manage to get myself out on my own? Very frightening not to know where I'll be in a year. Oh well. Bring it on life. Show me what you've got, I'll make my way through somehow.

Smelt lilacs today. Evening in the city seems to release some of the tension that is evident during the daytime and I can relax just a touch and let myself be just a little more "in the moment". I miss home though. This will be my first Easter away from home, away from family. Between Exams starting on Monday and my car being in the shop I just wasn't able to go home. One more baby step away from home.

Tuesday, 22 April, 2003:  *poke*

Thursday, 24 April, 2003:  And a response. :-)

So poking has paid off and I have gotten a response. My impression of one who is like I once was is re-enforced to a degree. It would, of course, be folly to assume that the reasons behind the similarities are the same until I know more, but speculation is interesting. There is some of the same formality and terseness in the beginning of the response, unsure, I think, of how I would interpret the delayed response. As the reply goes on though, that fades and things seem to open up a bit. Nice. And a committment to being there when I visit Jess again. All-in-all it's possible to interpret it as either simple politeness, or as piqued interest. It will be interesting to see which it is. :-)

Back To Musings

Back to Main Page

E-mail Zenmervolt

Last Updated: 06 March, 2003