Random Musings

May 2003

Saturday, 10 May, 2003: Not too much happening, car was beyond my abilities. Still nothing on the job front. Wondering if I'll make it to California. Missing my Companion, though I have not even found her yet. I look back on what was with more than a little bit of wistful longing. Not that I think I would be right to try to renew that. I know that it wasn't going to be right in the long run, but it brought many good things while I had it and I would be lying if I were to claim that I didn't miss it.

Been spending time with David Schramm who has given me the space to work on my car for the time being. A good guy, nice place out in the midlde of nowhere. He has a great life and I must admit that I romantisize his lifestlye. Late 50's and he's more limber and energetic than most kids my age. He's having a good time with life, and it at least looks as though he has all the pieces that he wants and needs in place. I can't help but notice that I'm missing pieces. There are holes and I don't know how I'm supposed to fill them. I seem fine most all the time, but every so often I get this far-away feeling where I have to wonder what's going to become of me. Will I find my Companion? Will I recognise her when our paths do cross? Does she even exist? If she doesn't exist, why do I still feel as though there are holes?

Monday, 19 May, 2003: Car has been in stasis for a long time, this is taking forever. The 914, having been pushed into temporary duty as a daily driver, is being a trooper but it's having issues of its own. Thankfully a starter is a relatively easy fix and thankfully the parts are much cheaper than for the 924S. Now if only the 914 sealed better.

Visited Ada this weekend, had a blast. Got to kick around with Brianne and get to know her better. So atypical for a girl, but a wonderful person and I thoroughly enjoyed her company. She and I have similar personalities and we just got along well right from the start. I've spent so much time romanticising the rural life that her rural tendencies aren't odd to me. The girl in my mind has always carried a pocket knife and she's definitely supposed to know about machinery and how to fix things. I haven't fallen and I'm not really near falling for a country girl, but I am interested and I look forward to learning more about her.

Saw Shanna driving around today. Odd. I don't know if she saw me, but I would imagine that she did. The 914 is really a pretty distinctive car. I wanted to honk and wave or something, but I really didn't know quite what was the proper ettiquette for seeing one's ex in another car while driving. Shanna is a wonderful person and I really hope that things are going well for her. I feel badly about how our communication has lapsed, but I suppose that is just the way things go once a couple breaks up. And if it's not, then I know it's my fault for not keeping up communication. Regardless, I wish her only the best in everything and I regret that I couldn't be the one. It just wasn't to be with her and I, two good people but I wasn't the one for her and she wasn't the one for me. Sad that we can't still be friends but we can both (I hope) look back on happy times and know that it wasn't worthless. No relationship with another person is worthless. Everyone out there has something to teach me and the good times are always worth the bad.

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Last Updated: 06 March, 2003